Becoming a Family Business: Unpacking Our First Work Trip as a Family

Two weeks ago, in the nearly nonstop activities of Thanksgiving preparations, John and I found ourselves in a rare 25 minute gap of uninterrupted time. I grabbed my laptop and forced my way next to John, claiming the tiny indented space his body had created in the sinking couch cushions. My head leaned towards him and we looked at the computer, determined to revise my article about our first true work trip as a family (to Richmond, Virginia).

The picture-perfect image of the work couple you might be envisioning quickly disintegrated as John took over the keyboard. While he jumped in and edited as he read, I tried to provide context and explain my feelings and intentions per sentence. He deleted and typed and moved words on the page so quickly that I hardly had a chance to say what I wanted before the phrase in question disappeared from the page. I felt like I was trapped in an itchy, too tight sweater — uncomfortable, annoyed and slightly irrational. John questioned the depth of my original article, which in turn frustrated me because it was the very thing I was struggling to process emotionally. I finally discovered why this particular article was so difficult for me to write.

“I want to protect our family’s dignity: the struggles between you and Robert, us being unsympathetic with each other, and the enormous emotional weight that this life transition holds.”

“I understand,” John said, suddenly aware of the fact that this was about a lot more than punctuation and sentence structure.

I recognized he had only edited and worked on articles solo, prior to now, so this was a whole new skill for him too. I’d like to say we returned to work and produced an insightful, helpful article, but just then, Robert’s footsteps clunked heavily down the stairs into the basement, a signal that our 25 minutes were already over. We simultaneously smiled and eye-rolled at one another, as we non-verbally acknowledged that we are a team in all things and that, yes, my article still sat incomplete, the cursor blinking back at us.

My experience writing this article is quite reflective, honestly, of how our Richmond trip might be summarized as a whole. Our "familiarization trip" to Virginia's capital city was our first true work trip together as a family (although John would say, "When is any trip not 'work' for a travel writer?"). A lot of our time was spent navigating the precarious balance between our personal life and work — like a Jenga tower balanced seemingly sloppily, leaning one way then another, parts being adjusted and moved, yet holding its own, intertwined into a new inseparable structure that we are desperately trying to keep upright. Although there may not be some astounding travel hack that you will glean from reading my reflection on this balance, I have a deep desire to celebrate the family we already are, who we are becoming, and to use the challenges that arise as opportunities to problem solve together — ultimately bringing us closer than we would have been otherwise. I invite you to come with me to take a peek behind the curtain and see how the three of us approach what is now the "family business."

To provide a little background, these particular types of trips are designed for us to report on the accessible attractions, hotels and transportation services within a particular destination. In the past, John has worked with destinations such as Boston, Massachusetts, Fort Myers, Florida, and Fort Wayne, Indiana to provide you with information about their accessibility. Something I love about John is that he is incredibly adept at giving you the facts and details of all of these destinations; I encourage you to check out the updated Richmond, Virginia Wheelchair Accessible Travel Guide that he worked on after this trip (It's free!). Familiarization trips, which allow him to create these resources, typically entail a fast pace with hours spent on activities from sun up to sun down. John has even been known to skip meals — something that I can never agree to unless he wants to deal with my hangry attitude! Our challenge this summer was adapting this structure to be sustainable as a family of three as we investigated the Richmond region through the lens of multiple and varying disabilities.

We had an itinerary for each day which included a timeline of activities with drive times, parking instructions, notes on expectations for the duration of the attraction or any relevant details. This was provided prior to the trip by Toni Bastain, Group Tour & Visitor Center Manager for our client, Richmond Region Tourism (We were extremely thankful for her flexibility and leadership in organizing events for each day!). John woke up each morning ready to forgo breakfast, to which I had to convince him, was simply not an option (Again, cue reminders about how this will affect my ability to function). Robert needed us to provide some sense of structure and predictability, so we would review the itinerary with him over breakfast.

Because Robert’s and John’s access needs are different, and also simply because we are three different people approaching the trip, we quickly realized that we needed to split up travel-related responsibilities to combat the chaos of jumping from activity to activity throughout the day. This sounds pretty simple in hindsight, but it was only discovered through multiple family meetings and a few tears (mostly my own but honestly all three of us). Each day, John managed the communication with our local partners, assisted with any itinerary modifications, assessed all places we visited for accessibility and made sure we met the goals with our client. I was our family driver, accounted for energy levels and snacks (Are we noticing a theme here?!), kept us on schedule and buffered emotions. Robert did a lot of photography and updated us with honest feedback on activities.

Even with these roles established, this trip posed an emotional tax that we simply had not dealt with together before. We would leave the hotel after breakfast knowing that we likely wouldn’t be back until after bedtime, and we would need to manage any obstacles on-the-go. We dealt with lots of frustrations due to functioning on diminished sleep, busy and changing schedules, viewing all activities through a work lens, constantly documenting, being ‘on’ all the time and making sure we maximized the amount of places visited. Each of these factors would slightly alter how we entered or handled a particular activity. Robert and I had to mentally reframe activities knowing that while they are fun, we needed to remember to be aware of collecting additional information. John, on the other hand, had to remind himself to slow-down and be fully present in the experience instead of only checking the boxes of his typical routine.

Also on this trip, we had the unique opportunity to partner with Houston and Katie from Downs & Towns. John struggled with this extra layer at first because of his desire to mask the frustrations we were dealing with in order to conduct his usual “work-presentable” mode. This pressure, however, was quickly eased by both Houston and Katie (and Toni!), who all graciously recognized that family travel requires us to stretch ourselves in new ways. When we told Houston that Robert was maxed out emotionally on being in photos for the day, he happily obliged and respected the fact that while we are on a work trip, we are also being reasonable about expectations for our kid. We were — and still are — grateful for these new friends, the new experiences we tried together and the big belly laughs they brought us. 

Our few days in Richmond and the surrounding region flew by; It was a whirlwind of ups and downs. We admit that, despite the wonderful travel guide that resulted, we certainly don’t have this all figured out. This trip, like that 25 minutes of editing time, ended all too quickly, a jumble of deeply personal, often messy memories wrapped in love nonetheless. We found that we can look at the frustrations of travel as a barrier, or a sign of failure, but we are choosing to view it as an opportunity to build our family. We are growing and learning right alongside you; Perhaps sharing this behind-the-scenes of our trip brings some sense of solidarity to you as you navigate your own travels — we certainly hope so!